Thoughts for the day

Simon Hook

I’ve just finished an intesive directing course ot the OFVM, turored by Simon hook. Firstly, what a totaly nice chap, its such a refreshing change to meet somebocy so talaented with no aparent chips on there shoulders. Still young for a director, he has has a modest sucsess in T.V. and short films. In fact it was his short films [and years of hard work] that got him picked up in the first place. He made very good short films, he won awards and now is directing for a living. Does that tell you anything? I would not say it was a wake up call for me, it was however a timely reminder of a point that I have beentold many times by other people in the industry, though I think it shows more for Simon then those that have told me before. I feel a little bit guilty for my evedent arogance on the first day, when I said I was not interested in shooting T.V. I suspect I am, I just want to do films a lot more. The oportunity at directing for a living would, of course be to stronger pull for me. Sometimes I suprise even myself with my own thought process. Silly boy.

What Next Then Dopey?

I’m chomping at the bit, the course has reasured me that I can direct. On top of that it has given me a number of insites and helped me fill in the blanks, some I should have known before, and some that perhaps I should hav eknown before. But know them I do now. And if all I get from the course is a couple of skills and renewed confidence, then I’m happy. But I do feel a little humbled. Which is surely a very good thing, no? Some of the other guys were pretty good at directing, one was uterley bonkers and once was a producer who wants to direct, I suspect a very good producer, possibley an AD. I also realised how importent it is to just get directing things - now! The more you direct the better you get, I will have improved no end by the short script I shot this week. Briliant.

Excited

You bet, I feel, admitedly not for the first time, like this is really going to happen. I am good enough. AS long as I can keep my ego in check then I have no doubt what so ever that I will be a director. I will direct for a living. How sucsessfull I will be is another matter, that is down to time. I just can not shake the feeling that this will happen. And that people is really exciting for me.

Do you ever

Wake up thinking of somebody? Unexpectedly, and then think of them slightly diferently? A bit like your sub-consouse might be trying to tell you something?

Cars

Time should be less stressfull this week. I’ve kinda had a repreave from the bank. So thats good. Now all I need is to buckle down and improve cash flow and maybe sell a script or two. Life seams to be good, I must be due another fall or a home run pretty soon.

Happy Chalkster.

Laters,

Chalkster

Rugby

That the hospitality was very good, Newbury won against all odds. and I’m now recovering from a damaged liver! I’m getting to old to be face down in a toilet screaming for mercy, I’m sure it’s not very attractive either!  The only thing that let the day down was, I just don’t seam to be able to get into the sport, it all seams a bit slow to me.  I’m told it was a very good level, and that if there was more money in it then it would be of better Quality.  What did surprise me is how few people watch it.  I noticed this with OXford when I used to go to the girls games.  There are more people on the pitch then watching it.  I can’t help but get the feeling that it’s because the players think that they are a bit special. That Rugby is the be - all and end - all.  To those people involved I think it is, and I think that you need to be part of it to ever get accepted into those peoples lives.  It’s consuming.  But maybe I’m too cynical, perhaps it’s the same with any profession.  We all need support in what we do.

Laters,

Chalkster

So One bad lodger down, Now one good lodger down.

The ecstatic joy of loosing a bad lodger, is soon nocked for six by finding that one of my better lodgers is now moving out, and I have to find two new lodgers.  This is always a difficult time, and you have to balance financial needs with not making the same mistake twice.  Right now I could do without my headache.

 Go on Rub it in

I stuck me the other day - well yesterday actually, that the ex, who comes to visit our dog, never actually asks how I am. There are some other things that I would love to say right now about people, but I realise that this is not the medium for it, I’m not sure there is one.  I’m not sure I wanted to see her ball dress that was accidentally delivered here, mostly because of the company that will surround it.

I’m just in such an angry mood

I am, everything is against me at the moment.  My saving grace it that at least the short film seams to be finding its legs and i feel my football team may survive relegation. May. My mind has been pondering for two long about the events of last year, and I crave a break for it, it does me no good being this angry. Part of me just wants to shout out at the world to stop fucking me around.  I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I do ask myself do I really deserve this.  Why do I forgive people I trust for letting me down in such big ways? am I too forgiving? Christ did I actually do something really bad in a previous life?

I Suppose

At least I’m not grabbing at the past, I want to move on, be happy, and more then anything else, make some films.  I do not want to let the things that have happened drag me underneath, there is far to much good in the future, so much do achieve.  I need to use my staying power, my ability to to commit to people, to projects, to the future.  The past makes us who we are and we get to become better by focussing on the better things in life.  I intend to do that. There are external factors to deal with, some we have no control over - Derby tonight, who will buy my cars, who will fund my films,  the banks - that TWAT, that has had a huge influence on my life that I hate beyond all reason… What can you do?

Laters,

Chalkster